Conversations on Absolutes and Relationships in God

Conversations of believers affirming God’s reality. Shared to enlighten and bring clarity.


I have been burdened these past couple days. So much so, I have been crying from experiencing the vicarious pain of some of my beloved ones.

I’ll tell you the remote cause in a minute.

But first, let me share what a seasoned father and teacher of the word said about the peace of God in relationships.

Fair warning; it may come across as a tough, uncomfortable pill. So here goes my paraphrase of what he said;

“Once a person is a believer( I’m talking about a true believer), the person is the will of God for you. Everyone who is a son is the will of God for you, as long as they are believers. Your role is to own this person. Own them as yours.”

“It’s our own will that prevents us from owning a person we are dating or are with in the body. Because God’s will is that you marry within the body. That’s all. But when you don’t enforce your will with this person and vice versa, and it becomes a problem, we suddenly start talking about not having peace and the rest.”


That hit me really deep. Honestly it did. Because too much of the wrong things have been ‘over spiritualized’.

I realize people use the whole bit about not having peace as an excuse. Granted, some of us have exercised and attuned our spiritual senses for peace in a certain way and God does deal with us at our levels, even as He calls us up to a place of growth.             However, God should not be limited to a box . There isn’t only one way to discern God’s will. His workings and his power is dynamic. He doesn’t use only one way.

I feel like we put caps and absolutes and think if it’s not like this, then it’s not valid.

But God has given us everything. He has held nothing back. So why do we wait for the peace to fall on us?

It’s as though we employ selective interpretations.


You can take hold of your money and lay hold of your cars but you won’t lambano your peace?

Are we saying God gives some things in full and others in halves? No. He doesn’t. He is consistent.

Unbelievers are getting married and having happy, enduring marriages and believers are here not being sensible. I have a friend who doesn’t even know what I know as a believer yet he is getting married and that marriage will last forever.


Hear me! You can’t ever completely know a person. My aunt used to say that your husband will shock you. She said it from a place of bad experiences, true. But I honestly, totally get her.

He or she will surprise you. Just know this. You can’t ever completely know a person. That’s why 30 years later, the man will still say, “I didn’t know you were like this o”

Haha. Wait. What? 30 years?

Dating is different from marriage. You can’t even compare them. You can date someone for ten years and you will discover things that you didn’t know about this person in just one year of marriage.

Marriage is a revelation.

Repeat after me!

It is a revelation locked place! You are locked in so the revelations arise as a result of this locking in. Marriage is a level playing field o. It takes apart everything you think you know.

So you just have to choose. Choose to be or not be with this person. In the end, it comes down to a choice, which causes the commitment.

But don’t make an issue about peace and talk in absolutes in some things and be flexible in others. It’s not even fair on the other person. It’s not the person’s fault or not if you don’t have peace. That peace thing is your responsibility. Irrespective of the person. Please hear me. It’s irrespective of the person. Don’t make it the person’s responsibility, Or tell the other party stories about how you initially had peace, then the peace started to reduce until it became a trickle. It’s hogwash. What you are doing there is you’ve begun to make that peace conditional and in the new covenant,  nothing is conditional. All conditions were settled in the blood.


It amazes me how Christians can be so full and then dense in some areas. This is for everyone who uses this as a crutch; male and female alike.

Note to self; I will teach my children the right things. I pray they don’t experience the things I have.

Peace is from God.

A better way is to own up to the fact that you don’t have staying power anymore. And that is on you, not on the person. In that way the person comes away intact. It is so wrong to destroy a person because you won’t take responsibility.

I feel so deeply about this because it’s happened to me. Dating in the body is so difficult.

No one, i repeat, no one. In fact, let me chant it, No one, No one, No one should put the responsibility of their peace or the success of their relationship on another person. It’s too much.

Do you want it? Yes? No? Good either ways.  Now, how do we make it work? It’s that simple.

Or not. But don’t put someone on a high jump because you need to be sure.

Someone is in the body, in the same family as you are and you treat the one outside the body better because you feel he/she doesn’t understand certain things? This makes no sense.

Should you not even be kinder to the one of the same household of faith because he/she has the same blood flowing through his or her veins?

It’s Jesus’s blood in his/her veins. It’s the same blood in yours. Why on earth will you treat them so cavalier?


Jesus died for this person. When you look at it, this is what it comes down to in the end.

He poured out his blood for this person.

What are you doing? You make the blood little when you treat a person who has this blood as though they are a problem. They are not.


I was sharing with a couple of my friends and here’s what they said;

Friend One;

They always say love is not enough. I think it should be enough I don’t know why people can’t take love the way God has designed it. We stay stuck with the emotional part of it but we don’t want to move into the active part of it where we;

  1. Practice it as it is.
  2. Change as a result of what we are receiving.

When this happens there’s evident progress.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 makes this very clear

  1. Love is:
  2. patient
  3.  kind.
  4.  not jealous
  5. not boastful
  6.  not proud
  7. not rude
  8. love does not demand its own way
  9. not irritable
  10. love keeps no record of being wrong
  11. love does not rejoice about injustice
  12. love  rejoices whenever the truth wins
  13. love never gives up
  14. love never loses faith
  15. love is always hopeful
  16. love endures through every circumstance.

Love always wins. When two people want it to win.

Another issue which is super hard, is that we get stuck looking at how the other person shows love to inform us on whether we should show love like this or not.

Friend two agreed saying;

Which is the wrong focus.

Why? We didn’t give ourselves this love to start with. It didn’t start from us. God is love and He’s unrelentingly, unconditionally, shared this love upon, in and for us.

We are supposed to be new beings in Christ. Why are we using the new wine of the love nature with the old skin of the old nature that doesn’t know how to love? Why the mixology?

Friend one further said;

This matching process (Experience to Position) is a lifelong process. Experiences have shaped us, sometimes we are to scared to do things the way God has designed it. Too scared to love. There’s a bit of self-preservation and selfishness in the mix as well.

Conclusion from Friend two– it’s a question of will and a choice to dig deep and deal with uncomfortable truths and issues so as to open ourselves up to the experience of the pure, wholesome, unselfish, unconditional love of God.

Here’s what I think;

God must really love us, because we are really obtuse in the simplest things. I mean the irony of it is ridiculous. The one specie of life He chose to infuse with His spirit is obtuse in the basic things that He is really about.

And yet it is exactly his plan. God is a God of irony.

“….That the excellency of the power(to be) may be of Him and not of us, the vessel”.



2 thoughts on “Conversations on Absolutes and Relationships in God

  1. Reblogged this on Lizzie's Default and commented:

    Absolutes or not?
    Wait up! You need to read this before you decide.

    This was pithy. I hope it resonates and enlightens too.
    See, one prayer that’s dear to me is that that my understanding becomes enlightened. Continuously.
    May this post be an instrument for that to you.


    Hello there! Beloved Unyielding Defaulters. 😊❤
    Yes. That’s my new moniker for every one who still has an active or inactive subscription to this blog.
    I really hope you’ve been doing great during my time away. We may not go into the long story of why I’m here today but rest assured that God is still at work. Both to will and to do.
    He’s not done yet and as believers, we follow to find out.
    So I may be in your faces again, sooner than expected.

    Love, Light & Hope.


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